Understanding How Women Fall in Love.

Want to Keep the Girl? Understanding How Women Fall in Love.

Learning how to attract a girl is one thing, but attraction can only last so long. That’s why understanding how women fall in love is absolutely critical for any guy looking to make a relationship last. If you’re looking for such an understanding, the first two sections below offer insights into love, its causes, and how it changes a woman. Then to ensure you’ve got something practical to work with, the last section will show you what you can do to keep that loving relationship going strong.

Factors that allow for a loving relationship

When it comes to understanding human nature, the big question is always: are our behaviors due to nature or nurture? And so to understand love we’ve got to ask the same question. Is love strictly the result of the thousands of years of evolution? Or is it the result of the environment the girl lives in? Well like most nature vs. nurture questions, the answer is: a little bit of both.

The evolutionary explanation for how women fall in love suggests that women became programmed over thousands of years to look for a man who could serve as a provider, protector, and a leader. A man like this would allow her to feel secure in knowing she and her offspring had a better chance of survival. Love then, is the signal that shows she’s found that kind of man.

But this theory alone doesn’t seem to tell the whole story. After all women don’t fall in love with every guy capable of protection/providing that they see. So while evolutionary theory may show us the foundation that is necessary in order for love to grow… there’s likely a bit more too it.

And that brings us to the “nurture” aspect of understanding how women fall in love. One of the more modern explanations for how people fall in love is based off attachment theory and suggests that how a person falls in love depends on how she was raised. The same type of relationship the individual had with her primary caregiver becomes that person’s model for what a loving relationship is. As a result she’ll seek to replicate that relationship in adulthood.

For example if a woman is raised in a very authoritarian household – one that’s very strict and where she’s always told what to do – she’s going to seek our relationships with authoritative guys because that’s how she learned love is expressed. It’s what’s comfortable to her. On the other hand if a girl had a more caring, nurturing upbringing, then she’s going to fall for more caring, nurturing guys.

So while evolutionary theory shows us there may be some overlap of what all women need as a foundation for love, the way that that love is expressed and the type of relationship/guy each women ends up going for is going to be different for every girl.

The Transition to Love

When a girl goes from liking a guy to loving him there’s a shift in the way she sees herself as well as the relationship that exists between the two of them. In the early stages of a relationship a woman will identify herself as being separate from the relationship – it’s something she has, but it’s not a part of who she is. But as time goes on and she falls in love, she begins to experience things differently.

But studies have shown that when a woman falls in love, the separation that used to exist – where she saw herself as a separate entity from her man and the relationship – is no longer there. She no longer thinks in terms of “me and my boyfriend” but instead things in terms of “us”. She focuses less on how decisions and events impact her as an individual, and more on how they might impact the two of you and the relationship. She puts less emphasis on herself as an individual, and more of her value comes from seeing herself as a part of this interdependent relationship (and for the record, guys do all this too).

Maintaining a loving relationship

Just because a girl has fallen in love with a guy doesn’t mean that the feeling of love will last. In time it can fade and disappear completely. If you’re looking to not just create a beloving relationship but also maintain it, here are a few tips that can help you do just that:

Stay true to yourself. A relationship may require sacrifice – but that doesn’t mean you must sacrifice who you are. Know who you are and what you want and don’t be afraid to state it. If you try and hide who you are then it’s not you who is in the relationship – it’s your persona. Owning who you are will not only increase her respect for you, but it is the only thing that makes an authentic connection possible.

Show her you appreciate her. For a woman to fall in love – for her to remain in love – she needs to know that the man she’s with appreciates her. And it’s not just about appreciating the superficial aspects of her; it’s about truly appreciating who she is as a person. It’s about accepting her and letting her know she’s perfect just the way she is – flaws and all.

Be her best friend. In successful intimate relationships each individual sees the other person as their best friend and confidant. So be more than a boyfriend – be her partner-in-crime. Be the guy she can say anything to and the guy who she can trust unconditionally.
Keep things fresh. People can fall out of love if things get stale. Having the same routine day in and day out is going to make the relationship feel bland and that love can slowly fade. To keep that love alive, do new activities together and spend time in different environments (surprise her with lunch in the park instead of going to the same restaurant you’ve already been to 1,000 times). New activities and environments alone are enough to release the endorphins that cause us to feel good, and by doing these things with her she’ll continue to associate these good feelings with the relationship.
AJ Harbinger - author