What should we do if we are not happy with our marriages?
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author Mritunjaya Malhan,
The first thing for both partners is to accept the fact that their marriage is not working.
Open and candid acceptance of this fact can pave the way for subsequent steps to salvage such dysfunctional marriage. Awareness of a problem or any illness is the first step towards getting healthy again.
Theoretical Answer :
To safeguard their marriage both husband and wife must adapt to the habit and nature of the other partner. Both must accept that their partner can not be be a Xerox copy of their personality. But this adaptation should be from both partners and not from the female side only.
The wife must accept the fact that her husband will be dominant member of family and must never try to compete with him on certain issues where traditionally males have dominated. She should not try to compete with him and try to be his equal. Thought it may sound like now towing before male chauvinism, but it is a small cost to buy safety of marriage. Wives should always give their husbands chances to let them gloat under their two cent egos.
Mathematically Logical Answer:
First own up the fact that relationship is not working for some incompatibilities.
Next step both partners should take a plain piece of paper.
Both should draw a vertical line on plain page.
Both should write Things I like about you on left side of drawn line . Things I don't like about you on the right side of the drawn line.
Both should be totally honest in this evaluation report.
Then both should give the paper completed by them to each other to think over and introspect views of partner about him/her.
After minimum two hours gap both should sit and discuss evaluation report of each other's strong and not so strong points. The discussion should be in a calm and objective manner.
Both can try to eke out a compromise by agreeing on to improve some of their problematic behaviours.
This step if followed sincerely can help iron out small small nagging issues from relationship and make each partner more understanding of each other and hopefully save marriage.
However if this strategy at reworking and reshaping relationship falls flat then partners should move on to next strategy to still save the relationship.
Many marriages are destroyed by undue interference in the lives of married couples by the family of husband or wife or families of both the partners. If this is the case then to salvage marriage both partners should agree not to involve their family members in any of affairs of their lives. Believe me respect of this decision by both partners will save their marriage.
Parents of both boy and girl have their own lives but I suspect many marriages in Asia are destroyed because of desire of parents to control ,manage the life of their ward even after his/her marriage.
So to lead their lives peacefully, both partners should keep their respective parents at a distance from their lives. They can meet them and show respect to them but not to let them interfere too much in their lives.
However if problem persists even after keeping parents out of relationship and trying to change problematic behaviours,then it better to get out of relationship amicably.
Sometimes It’s very tough for persons to change themselves. Old unresolved issues, old grudges remain simmering in dysfunctional marriages which are maintained just because of parental and societal pressures. Partners in such marriages live suffocated lives and spend their entire lives just tolerating each other and not living life at all.It is better for partners in such marriages to get separated and live the rest of their lives with freedom to fulfill their unfulfilled goals.
We all commit mistakes for so many different reasons. It is not great to live half lives in suffocation.
Thanks.
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